For most of us the rapid spread of COVID-19 across the globe and the initial shock of a confirmed case in South Africa has likely triggered several mixed emotions. With the announcement of school closures and stringent preventative measures being taken by the government, it is very likely that parents are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, angry and confused. You may also find yourself panic-stricken by the immediate implications it holds, such as having to make alternative plans for your child or adjusting your work and lifestyle routines. To make matters worse, we are constantly being bombarded with loads of information from social media sources, news channels, colleagues and friends – which are only adding to the anxiety. At the same time, we are also dealing with a number of uncertainties and contingency plans that offer very little guarantees. All these stressors beg the question: “How do I parent and reassure my child during this time?”. Parents want to know how they can help their children make sense of their world from understanding what the Corona virus is to explaining school closures, event cancellations and panic buying. With so much information flooding our social media feeds, we thought it well to compile various relevant articles in the following document. Hamoda (2020) suggest the acronym “REMEMBER” as a useful framework to guide you along. R – Reassure Just hearing the word “pandemic” alone is likely to stir up a range of frightening emotions. Reassure your children by providing them with facts to better understand what the virus is, how it is contracted as well as teaching them practical strategies to stop the spread of COVID-19. It is also important to do regular fact checks to re-frame any misunderstandings. Depending on your child’s age, you can also discuss the possible dangers and the protective steps that are being taken in the wider community to de-escalate the numbers. Keep in mind that the feeling of helplessness is best counteracted by actions that make children (and adults) experience a sense of control. Remind them that most corona virus patients experience mild flu like symptoms and recover fairly quickly. Explain to them how the body’s immune system works to combat infection and viruses and reassure them that social distancing is a preventative and wise choice in keeping everyone safe. They will also find comfort in knowing that you will make the call as to when medical help will be sought and that you are not necessarily going to rush them to the doctor for every cough or sniffle. E- Empower Every situation offers teachable moments. Empower your children by reflecting on the values they can gain from thinking more about their community. Consider writing thank you cards to the front-line workers managing the spread of the virus, look at running errands or doing grocery shopping for elderly neighbours. M – Maintain your own calm “Maintaining your own calm” AKA “do not freak out” is probably the most helpful piece of advice to be offered when hoping to keep your child’s anxiety levels from increasing. The human brain is wired to keep us vigilant and safe in the midst of threats – often sending our brain (amygdala) into fight/flight/freeze mode, which prompts the activation of catastrophic thinking. We know that children are likely to take emotional cues (both verbal and non-verbal) from the adults in their lives and that worry, by its very nature, is likely to trigger “what if” thoughts. The good news is that research studies have consistently confirmed that a calm and collected parent is able to de-escalate a child’s anxious brain through co-regulation. It is therefore vital that parents become more aware of the comments they are making to other adults or family members and to refrain from stereotyping and catastrophizing. Also limit exposure to news channels and social media that are likely to fuel your own anxiety. Should your child present with fear, panic or helplessness or generally feel “stuck in their thoughts”, go back to reassuring them with facts so that their logical and rational thinking structures of the brain can be activated. If you are having trouble managing your own fears and anxieties, engage in self-care routines that promote stress management. E – Engage One advantage of social distancing is that it offers a “forced” opportunity for more family time. Keeping your children engaged and active naturally reduces stress. Someone once said, “worrying is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere”. So instead of hyper-focusing on the negative aspects, try to consciously direct your thoughts towards health and togetherness – and get moving. Although social distancing discourages outings and play dates, it still allows for outdoor play, cooking meals together, playing board games and watching movies. Also consider alternative ways of maintaining contact with friends and family through video calling. M – Manage their emotions It is vital that you make yourself available during this time to answer any questions as honestly and accurately as possible. Listen to them and talk about their concerns and furthermore assure them that it is ok to feel sad or scared or to have a lot of different feelings at once. Focus on creating mindfulness routines that include deep breathing and relaxation. B – Beware We live in a digital age, where information is at our fingertips and our newsfeeds are saturated with involuntary links to more and more and more information. Be vigilant of the information that your child may be exposed to and limit screen time. E – Educate Use this time to teach your child about pandemics, preventative steps and hygiene routines. Consider initiating fun routines associated with frequent hand washing by singing songs (such as Happy Birthday twice) for 20 seconds and explaining the importance of covering their mouth and nose when sneezing with the bend of their arm. R - Routines Abrupt school closures and extra-mural cancellations suggests that your child’s daily schedule has been disrupted. Changes in your own lifestyle such as working from home or going to the gym creates a further upset in the usual family routine. Experts agree, that children benefit most from having a consistent routine and even more so during trying times. Try and stick to a basic structure as much as possible – even if it means creating a temporary daily schedule for the time being. Routines such as play time, bath time and dinner time serve to regulate the bedtime routine – which contributes to better emotional regulation. Revisiting family traditions/habits also make children feel safe, so encourage doing things that have previously made your family feel calm and relaxed such as puzzle building, reading, playing card/board games, exercising or engaging in religious activities. QUICK REFERENCE GUIDE FOR AGE EXPECTED CONCERNS REGARDING THE CORONA VIRUS Pre-school Young toddlers may not necessarily understand the specifics of what is happening in the world, but they are very perceptive in picking up emotional cues from their caregivers. The 3-5 year old children are better able to understand world events and are aware that something bad has happened. They may feel upset and question any changes in their routine. Their main concern is safety. They may therefore begin to show signs of separation anxiety or worry about their family members’ health. It’s important to ensure them of safety measures and precautions being taken and empower them with practical hygiene routines. Also make sure that they have limited exposure to news. Foundation Phase During this developmental phase, children are concerned with overall health. They may have a more distinct understanding of the vulnerable population groups and begin to worry about their grandparents. They may also worry about finances since many parents will be working from home. It’s best to provide them with basic facts and to reassure them that you will take care of their health and that they can do the same by following simple, preventative measures. Intermediate phase Your child may be more curious and will most likely not accept platitudes as simple reassurance. Help them distinguish the facts from the “fake news” and focus on preventative measures. High School A high school child is able to engage in conversations that stretch beyond the immediate threat of the virus. Conversations may revolve around the impact that the virus might have on the political and economic state of the country. Discuss their concerns honestly and accurately. Some teenagers may, however, also believe that ignorance is bliss and act as if they are not worried whilst others may use humour to deflect the seriousness of the situation. Monitor their online behaviour and engage in meaningful conversations. Most importantly, do not rely on your teenager as a soundboard for discussing your own worries and fears. As a rule of thumb, think of the bigger picture by keeping in mind that: “Most young kids will remember how their family home felt during the corona virus panic more than anything specific about the virus. Our kids are watching and learning about how to respond to stress and uncertainty. Let’s wire our kids for resilience not panic”. Dr Claire Symington Education Psychologist Southdowns College REFERENCE LIST: Hamoda, H. (2020). “REMEMBER”: surviving the pandemic with your children. Retrieved from https://iacapap.org/remember-surviving-the-pandemic-with-your-children/ NASPO. (2020). Talking To Children About COVID-19 (Corona Virus): A Parent Resource. Retrieved from: https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/school-climate-safety-and-crisis/health-crisis-resources/talking-to-children-about-covid-19-(coronavirus)-a-parent-resource SAMPHSA. (2020). Talking with children: tips for caregivers, parents and teachers during infectious disease outbreaks. Retrieved from: https://store.samhsa.gov/system/files/pep20-01-01-006_508_0.pdf Sarkis, S.A. (2020). 12 Ways to Effectively Parent during a Crisis. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2020). Parent/Care-giver Guide to helping families cope with the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19). Retrieved from: https://www.nctsn.org/resources/parent-caregiver-guide-to-helping-families-cope-with-the-coronavirus-disease-2019 Walsh, E. & Walsh, D. (2020). How to talk to kids and teens about the Corona virus. Whitson, S. (2020). What parents can do to manage Coronavirus Stress in kids. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/202003/what-parents-can-do-manage-coronavirus-stress-in-kids